Three Tiny Tyrants
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11/18/2017 0 Comments Prison Rules #2: You Are Never AloneSometimes, when The Enforcer is downstairs and the tyrants are occupied, I make attempted escapes- usually to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes of peace. Not more than two minutes after my disappearance, I hear Tiny riling up Little by loudly asking him where I am, as if my disappearance lay in the fault of his distraction. The question floats from Little to Big before I hear the sound six small legs stomping up the stairs in search of me, the Enforcer's apathetic pleas to leave me alone going unheeded. Never alone. Not even in the bathroom. I swiftly lock the door, buying myself an extra precious minute to finish the chocolate bar I swiped from Tiny's Halloween bucket downstairs. Unfortunately, Tiny has spent the past year honing his skills with a coat hanger and can now break into the bathroom in less than two minutes. I shove the last bite into my mouth as the door swings open with a crash and the three tyrants tumble inside.
Tiny immediately notices that I am crouched in the corner rather than sitting on the throne and demands to know what I'm doing. I try to swallow the chocolate to answer and that's when his eagle eyes focus on my mouth. His eyes narrow at me in suspicion. "What are you eating?" he asks. I manage to half swallow and inform him that I'm eating a cracker. I ask if he would like one. Big and Little are now climbing on me as if I am a Little Tykes climber, while I show down with Tiny. Tiny, alert to my deception, peers closely at my mouth and insists that I open it so he can see. "That doesn't look like a cracker! It's brown like chocolate or poop!" he declares (because apparently the only brown things I could possibly be eating are chocolate...or poop.) Little thinks this is hilarious. "Are you eating POOP?" he laughs as he squeezes open my cheeks. Big's ears perk up at the word "chocolate". Before I can answer, Tiny decrees, "If you're eating chocolate, then we get to have chocolate!" and with that 3 sets of tiny legs sprint off in search of their Halloween buckets. Not prepared to reign in three sugar high candy addicts, I know that I must stop them. I finish swallowing the last of my glorious chocolate bar and run to catch up. My me time is over. "One!" I shout after them. "You can have one!" I hear squeals of delight and furniture falling to the ground as they race to the kitchen. Tiny has his candy spread out on the table as he counts it up. "I have 8." He says, thinking carefully. He looks at me. "Did you eat one of mine?" he roars in his deepest dragon voice. Never a fool, I shake my head. "Nope." I say, eyes wide with innocence. "You had 8 yesterday, remember?" (Did I mention that I'm a compulsive liar now?) Tiny doesn't remember, but he won't show me that weakness. "Yeah" he decides, shaking his head in agreement, "I had 8 yesterday." I carefully help him choose one to eat and then remove the buckets from the clutches of the three before they can sneak more candy, deftly pocketing two more chocolates for later. I lick the last sweet droplets of chocolate from my lips as I liken it to the sweet taste of victory and plot my next escape.
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AuthorAnna Christine is a working mother of three boys. She is a teacher, writer, learner, and a fierce advocate for inclusion. Writing is her catharsis for the tough days of parenting. Her writing has appeared on ScaryMommy: Archives
January 2019
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