Three Tiny Tyrants
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November 2017
There are certain unspoken rules of survival that I have learned during my time in the clink. Rules that range from the exact steps to follow when saying goodbye (one hug & kiss; then a final hug & kiss; then wave the whole way down the driveway...THE WHOLE WAY DOWN THE DRIVEWAY!) to precisely how to word my sentences when presenting something that I wish for the trio to partake in. Today was no different...
I was busy in the kitchen making a trio favorite (favorite as in one of the few meals they all will eat) of hamburgers when Tiny happened to walk through. I told him we were having burgers when he spotted the cheese sitting on the counter and demanded to know why it was there. Then, curses, he spotted the plain burgers sitting rightnextto the cheese burgers on the pan. Knowing what was about to come, I quickly used my well learned sleight of hand to grab a plain burger and pop it on a plate. The dramatics began as Tiny moaned that he couldn't possibly be expected to eat a burger that touched a cheeseburger!! Immediately, I produced the plate with the plain burger and the compulsive lying began. "Look see? I cooked yours on a different pan!" I quickly spit out. Tiny arched his eyebrows at me. "A different pan?" he said, dubiously. "Yes!" I shook my head vehemently, praying he wouldn't ask to see it. "You cooked it on a different pan?" he said again, trying to catch me in my lie. The sweat of deception poured from my brow as I held out the plain burger on a plastic blue plate. "Fine!" he said, as he flounced away. I breathed a sigh of relief, but unbeknownst to me, that was only the first lie. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied Little climbing up the cabinet like a starving squirrel desperate to reach some food. Before I could grab him, Big rumbled through the kitchen pushing his giant, metal tractor directly over my foot. I stepped back in pain as Little, the victorious squirrel, found the snacks in the cabinet and began tearing them open in a fit of hunger. I desperately tried to convince him that his cheeseburger was ready. "No, I want a cheese sandwich" was the reply as he dragged his prize bag of chips to the dinner table where Tiny was loudly wondering why there was no ketchup on his plain burger. I somehow convinced Little that his dinner was indeed a cheese sandwich (it was a cheeseburger). Big wanted chocolate milk in his cup, I told him it was all gone (mental note- drink the rest of the chocolate milk after the trio is asleep). Little wanted to know why the buns looked "different". I told him they were the exact same buns we always use (nope, they were English Muffins). Finally, blissfully, they began to eat and all was calm....for at least 5 zen-like minutes....
1 Comment
Nonni
11/9/2017 06:17:18 pm
this didn't seem so funny when it was happening, but in hindsight i see some of the humor as you recount the episode.....
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AuthorAnna Christine is a working mother of three boys. She is a teacher, writer, learner, and a fierce advocate for inclusion. Writing is her catharsis for the tough days of parenting. Her writing has appeared on ScaryMommy: Archives
January 2019
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