Three Tiny Tyrants
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11/7/2017 2 Comments One of My Captors is a Blue BeltI picked the 3 tiny tyrants up from their respective schools today and we headed over to one of our extra curricular activities. Since the Dojo is nearly next door to Big & Little's school, I packed a few bars and excitedly told the trio that we were going to have a picnic in Blue Bessie. Tiny scowled at me and declared that he HATES picnics inside Blue Bessie and only likes picnics outside. I pointed out that it was raining (not to mention cold) and that a picnic outside would be wet and miserable. Tiny considered this for a moment and then agreed that we were permitted to eat inside as long as everyone remained in their car seats. No one was to sit on the floor. Big chose that moment to announce that HE was going to sit on the floor. Thus began a screaming match between Tiny and Big until I finally presented the compromise that Big eat in his seat and then sit on the floor until it was time for class. Tiny reluctantly agreed that this was ok, as he rejected the bar I packed for him yet scarfed down the piece of Halloween candy in his bag. He then dramatically began squirming in his seat, complaining about his tummy aching. The agony of the tummy ache continued, increasing in decibel level until I finally found a crumpled package of fruit snacks at the bottom of my backpack, which Tiny assured me would cure his ills. With "dinner" complete, we headed inside.
You would recognize Tiny at the Dojo as the only tyrant wearing his belt and street clothes. He rejected the uniform from day one claiming it was "too white". The Dojo, witness to my attempts to get him to wear the uniform, up to and including forcibly putting the pants on him as he instantly tore them off and ran screaming down the sidewalks of the mini mall, barefoot and clad only in undies, was blissfully flexible on the uniform front. As we shuffled into the inmate section of the Dojo, I handed Big and Little their toy trucks and we settled in for the class. Moments into it, however, Little loudly announced to me that he had to poop. Desperately, I asked him if he could hold it for a bit because Tiny was scheduled to test up that day for his next belt. Besides that, Tiny's eagle eyes always watch me in the mirror to ensure that I never leave the inmate section. Little agreed and began driving his truck up and down the benches in front of the visiting inmates from nearby prisons (aka OPs or Other Parents). Mere minutes later, a rank smell began to descend upon the Dojo. Little, blissfully unaware of the odors emanating from his bottom, continued to drive his truck around while loudly vrrrming it along. I quickly tried to de-deuce (ha- get it??) whether or not I had spare undies and pants in the car while carefully avoiding the eyes of the OPs who had surely overheard our conversation. Luckily, I discovered it was only gas, though Little was far from done crop dusting the area. The next excrutiating 20 minutes consisted of the other inmates shifting uncomfortably in their seats, silently begging me to take him away as I pretended not to notice that stench in the air. The sweat beaded on my brow as I considered my options and counted down the minutes to the end of class. At long last, Tiny leveled up, class ended, and I herded the trio into the bathroom, sure the OPs left behind were silently judging my parenting as they gasped for fresh air. As we headed home, into the night, I made mental notes to pack spare clothes to keep in Blue Bessie, just in case...
2 Comments
Nonni
11/7/2017 06:36:57 am
Reading your blog - what a fun was to start my day. your crew always (well, that's not completely true but almost always) brings a smile and even an out loud chuckle.
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Bonnie Betz
11/7/2017 06:54:47 am
So much fun to read!!
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AuthorAnna Christine is a working mother of three boys. She is a teacher, writer, learner, and a fierce advocate for inclusion. Writing is her catharsis for the tough days of parenting. Her writing has appeared on ScaryMommy: Archives
January 2019
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