Three Tiny Tyrants
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11/11/2017 1 Comment Mugshots are MandatoryIt's the time of year when mugshots are necessary in order to spread cheer over the coming weeks. I forewarned the trio that the mugshots were coming, even based the color scheme around the singular pair of pants that Tiny agreed to wear for the 20 minutes of torture. I preset this fact to their stone cold faces all week as I told them that the photos were Saturday. Friday night, I laid out the clothes, meticulously chosen, washed (I hoped) and ready to go.
Saturday morning arrived and the clock began ticking down to our MTD (mandatory time of departure). Upon waking, Tiny loudly announced that he WOULD NOT be wearing the gray pants that were picked out for him. Thus began an hour and a half of persuasion. It began with kindness and rainbows (It's only for 20 minutes, then you can take them right off); then we veered into not-so-kind (WE PICKED THESE PANTS OUT A MONTH AGO!) as I chased a maniacally laughing undie-clad Tiny around the house attempting to forcibly put the gray pants on; to, finally, my only real bargaining chip when negotiating with the tyrants: bribery (through gritted teeth- listen, if you just wear these pants for 20 minutes and smile, you can have a bunch of your Halloween candy!!). With a compromise on the table and 3 minutes left to MTD, I quickly dressed Big and Little, leaving myself a hot, fresh minute to remember to brush my hair and throw in a hair barrette. Tiny sat upon his throne in the car, eyes gleaming with the anticipated sugar rush to come, checking my bag to ensure that the lollipop, candy bar and skittles he chose were all accounted for as he intermittently pulled at his pants and threatened to take them off then and there. I immediately informed Tiny that if he broke his end of the treaty, I would be eating all of the candy we brought with us as we drove home. ALL OF IT. Tiny, sensing that he was playing with fire, retreated from the pants-removal threats. As we rolled into the studio and were greeted warmly- the trio immediately went into frozen oppossum mode, refusing to remove their coats and shoes as I yanked them off of their stiff limbs. We managed to get into position and possibly managed to get just one shot of everyone looking in the general direction of the photographer, perhaps looking slightly angry, but looking nevertheless. Calling that a win, I stood up to dance like a monkey (no seriously- I danced like a monkey) in an effort to elicit at least a smile from Tiny, Big and Little as they sat for their individual mugshots. Pretty sure I heard Tiny muttering under his breath as I squealed and pranced about. With 20 minutes of flashing lights over, we made it back to the car where Tiny ripped off his pants and the three immediately dove into their promised candy bars in a sugar anticipated rage. Wrapper and chocolate fragments flew as the frenzied shark feeding both began and ended within two minutes. Now, with hyped up, sugar addicts bouncing around the backseat, The Enforcer and I decided it was a grand idea to head to the grocery store. I should have foreseen it in their wide, glazed eyes and twitching muscles but alas, we entered the store. The trio made a straight beeline to the samples section of the store and began demanding and devouring before I could stop them. Then, faces dripping with apple and orange sludge, off they ran, screeching inanely up and down the aisles. The Enforcer and I silently communicated the "divide and conquer" strategy as he focused on the necessary purchases while I chased down the rabid trio. I turned the corner to find them in the glass jar aisle of jams. Fearing for the lives of all the jam jars on the shelves, I quietly whispered to them, the way I might coax a cornered fox so as to get them to follow me without making any sudden movements that would spell disaster for the glass jars lined up so perfectly behind them. They stared back at me, sensing the power they held the longer they stood, twitchy and hyper, next to those jars. Finally, I whispered, "more samples!" and off they ran down the aisle, searching for the sample section once again. I turned the corner again, now to find Little laying, belly down, on the concrete floor turning in circles while Big and Tiny jumped over his prone body. Shoppers stopped and stared. The crash was coming. I needed to get them away from crowds before the inevitable meltdowns began. I quickly scooped up the tiniest tyrant and herded the other two back to the samples. Suddenly, they screeched to a halt and stood, awestruck, in front of a cheese fountain and a very nice man handing out samples of chips dipped in the cheese melt. Only it wasn't cheese. It was organic, vegan veggie puree disguised as cheese. Little snatched up a sample in his sticky, orange covered hands. Then another. Then another. Brazened by Little's bold move, Big took a sample too. He touched his tongue to the chip then attempted to put it back. Luckily, I arrived in time to stop him from contaminating the table and managed to get Little to eat the sample. Big then asked for just a chip, which the man politely obliged. As he reached his hand toward the bag for another, and aware that we were wearing out our welcome, I grabbed a jar of the polite man's vegan veggie puree disguised as cheese and made a break for the cashier, where I had spotted The Enforcer, thankfully paying for our purchases. I hand signaled to him that we'd meet him in the entry way and managed to corral the feral three towards the doors. Finally, back in the car and on the verge of their triple sugar crash, we headed for home, relief at the thought that another week's shopping was in the bag and we had yet again avoided complete disaster (I'm thinking about you, glass jam jars).
1 Comment
Nonni
11/13/2017 11:52:54 am
oh, oh, this sounded like a fun day!
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AuthorAnna Christine is a working mother of three boys. She is a teacher, writer, learner, and a fierce advocate for inclusion. Writing is her catharsis for the tough days of parenting. Her writing has appeared on ScaryMommy: Archives
January 2019
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